.something.more.

be honest with me. can we make a difference?

walking the streets of san fran last night, i couldn't help but notice the increasing void that stretched between the lights in the townhouses high above the city streets, and the amount of people sleeping on the concrete steps, in door frames, and in the city park. am i wrong in thinking that this is something that demands a change? not only that, but the fact that we as Christians are called to take care of the poor and needy -- but are we truly doing it in a way that shows Christ's love? i wrestled in my mind with the idea of doing street ministry as i drove two other girls and myself to the church. most street preaching is simply thrusting the Word of God onto them in a "repent now!" action, or in the mode of "one and done." but why can't we develop relationships, and instead of shoving God in a "die, sinner!" attitude we could make Him real by out actions. repeated actions.

i met a guy named Derek last night. Derek radically rocked my world. as i was searching through my pack trying to find a pair of socks, i hear this "hey, are you giving free stuff? you got a coat in there?" i look over and see this silhouette of a man, fine featured and slightly metro. i gave him the coat off my back. in turn, he looks me up and down and pulls out a Jones New York two-piece suit that probbly cost more than what i was wearing combined...and gives it to me. this man who has nothing is not only accepting of me, but is giving back to me more than i gave him. it felt wrong. and yet, it touched my heart. the rest of the night i spent with him, talking, praying, and wondering. his story? not too sure. he has a degree, has been all over, is super-smart, talented to the tee, and yet he is walking around with a backpack of clothes and two shopping bags of random items. within five minutes of contact i realized that there is something crazy good, and something incredibly sad about him. i don't want to dilute his need for Christ -- on the contrary, he taught me more about God in his simple, easy going attitude. he has chosen the streets, though i am uncertain why. he has chosen to live the life of a nomad because he cannot committ...or does not want to settle. my heart aches as i think of him tonight. just one meeting, and my life is forever altered by him. but i wonder -- am i just another "Christian" that is stooping down from comfort & wealth to do a good deed, or will he remember me a few years from now and think, "that girl was different." is my impact ever going to be more than just a meeting?

meet muhammad. he's buddist. he also thinks he is beating the system by living in poverty and living off of food stamps while sneaking into college courses to "get a degree." he claims that the powers over him are limiting his rights and his abilities, so though he chose to be mess-up and get arrested, he is not going to succomb to the system that is "keeping him poor." but, his logic is faulty. he's choosing to stay in his position, relying on the government to keep him going, but he is at rock bottom. he's not winning -- he's losing because he's dependant on the government, on godly people who give him free things, and on doing drugs. all of this because he "wants to show the government he's not giving in." some life, huh? his something more is really living less.

i want to make a difference. i see hurts like derek's, hear stubborn ideas like muhammad's, and see hundreds of cries for help as i walked back to my warm vehicle. is there something more that i can be doing, or is this enough? or is this all?

but life is not all about the sad hurts. there's joy in simply living life. looking out above the hills, the ocean, and the moorland today as i flew down the hill at 60 mph on james' motorcycle, my heart could not help but sing praises to the One that this is all created for. the scenery was stunning, the bike was fast, and the company was good. my heart was screaming for "more, more!" but sometimes, its all so big, i can't take it in. beauty, in the midst of pain. i thank the Lord for the moments when my heart is about to bust because its longing for the "something more" that it will only truly grasp in heaven. i cherish the thought that one day, there will be more than this life, and that what i do here on earth will not be in vain. i pray the seed was planted in derek's heart, as his is in mine; sprouting, growing, reviving.